Brides and Betrayal (Reconciled and Redeemed Book 1) Read online

  She thanked him and gathered up her things, lighter in step now that her guilt had once again been assuaged.

  On the way home, he asked. “You said you had a lot of pain in your life growing up. It must be nice having Hunter to help you though that.”

  She was silent, and part of her knew she should have remained silent, but that didn’t happen. That part of her that knew things - wise things that usually kept her out of trouble - that part was slowly fading. “I have never really told Hunter about my parents.”

  Holly didn’t look at him, staying focused on the passing scenery to avoid the questions she would see in his eyes. She should have stopped there, but the floodgates had been opened. She looked over at him, and he glanced her way, his kind eyes pulling the reluctant story from her lips. “My mom had an affair and I was the result of that affair. She kept it from my dad – well, the man who raised me - for sixteen years. When he found out, he shot her then shot himself.”

  His mouth formed a silent “oh”, and she couldn’t blame him. That was the reaction most people had, the reason why she never told anyone.

  “I came home and found them. The next thing I knew, I was being carted off by social services. The police were able to locate my biological dad, and he and his wife raised me.”

  He glanced her way again, before asking, “That must have been...I mean...”

  “Awkward.” She laughed. “His wife said she’d accept me, but she took every opportunity to remind me of how sinful I was. His daughters weren’t mean, but they just kind of kept to themselves. They walked on eggshells around me, always giving me funny looks.” She shrugged as if it didn’t matter, because she had convinced herself it didn’t matter for so long. But now that she gave voice to it, the pain seared her heart all over again.

  “Why haven’t you shared this with Hunter?” Seth said as they turned down her street and into her driveway.

  Holly laughed, “You know how he is about his mother. He is very unforgiving when it comes to adultery.”

  Putting the car in park, he reached across and put his hand on hers. “But this is different, Holly. You are not at fault for what your parent’s did, and you are not to blame for how that woman treated you. You are the innocent victim of their sins.”

  “What if Hunter looks at me and all he can see are those sins?”

  He brushed the tears from her face, and said gently, “He wouldn’t.”

  His tender touch didn’t stir passion within her, but it stirred her heart. Kindness without conditions and questions - it was stronger than any physical response she could have had. Holly took a deep breath and it shuddered from the force of her tears. “Well,” she said trying to smile through her tears. “I better get inside.”

  As she rounded the car, Seth let down his window. “Holly,” he called out and she turned toward him. “I know you said you felt stained - but you are not. Don’t let the ugliness of what happened with your parents define who you are.”

  She nodded, encouraged by his words and gentle smile.

  Hunter walked into the house, eager to find Holly. He couldn’t name it, but a strange concern had filled his stomach as he left today. He had been trying to stifle his jealous nature, but leaving Holly with Seth today had been difficult.

  He walked into the living room to find her crying on the sofa. His jealous imaginations filled in blanks where there were none to be filled.

  “What happened?” His voice came out harsher than he had intended, causing her to jump.

  “I didn’t hear you come in.”

  And would you have quickly hid your tears if you had. The thought came unbidden, but he was tired of her holding back from him.

  He sat down next to her and pulled her into his arms. “Tell me what is going on.”

  “It’s nothing...” she began, trying to extricate herself from his hold.

  “No, don’t pull away again.” He gently gripped her by the shoulders and forced her to look at him. “You are always locked away in yourself. I feel like I am only getting a portion of my wife.”

  “And if you got all of me would you still love me?” Her deep blue eyes held a dubious expression and it pained him that she felt that way.

  “Well, of course I would.”

  “Please don’t judge me...I mean...” Hunter’s fears rose like bile in his throat at her words. She took another deep breath. “Seth told me I should tell you about this, but I am afraid you will hate me.”

  “I could never hate you.” He gently cupped her face, but she pulled his hands down.

  She took another deep breath and began to tell him about her parents. Hunter sat motionless and speechless through it all. His mind was teeming with questions and emotions. Pain and hurt for his beautiful wife who had endured so much. Anger at her mother for having an affair. Anger at her father for not standing up for her. He sat there for a long time, not saying anything as he tried to reel his anger in. But most of all, he was trying to figure out why she had kept this from him.

  He got his answer, and with it, an unexpected surprise. “Seth told me you wouldn’t hold it against me. But I can see by your face that you do.”

  His initial reaction was pain. How could she think he would hold this against her? But that was quickly eclipsed by that fact that she had shared this story with Seth.

  “I don’t hold it against you.” He didn’t trust himself to say anything else, but he couldn’t shake the hurt he felt. Why would she share something so personal with someone they had only met a couple of weeks ago, and yet keep it from him all these years?

  He pulled her into his arms and held her. “Holly, I am glad you finally told me.” He held her there for a long time, partly because she was crying, but mostly because he didn’t want to see the hurt on his face.

  Later that evening, as they got into bed, Hunter immediately turned away from her. Thoughts and questions summersaulted through hoops of doubt in his mind. He knew better than to try and have a conversation with his wife now. He could feel her sitting up behind him, staring at him. Her need for comfort and assurance of his love was like a warm hand pulling on him and choking him at the same time. Comfort and assurance wasn’t something he could give right now.

  After a few moments, he felt her hand upon his back.

  “I love you.” She whispered.

  He paused, unable to turn around, unable to do more than whisper, “Me too.”

  It took Hunter a long time to fall asleep. The fact that she lied to him all these years kept pecking at his mind like a persistent bird on a limb. It’s not a big deal. It was a painful experience. She’d want to forget it. Why would she want to share it? But then his heart would rebel with retaliating arguments. Aren’t you her husband? She should be confiding in you, but she had no problem sharing it with Seth.

  The past two weeks kept playing over in his mind, the late nights messaging with Seth on the computer, the irritability she was feeling lately, and the look on her face today when he said she was leaving.

  No, his mind recoiled against the idea. She would never do that to him. She’s nothing like my mom. She’s nothing like Janessa.

  His protests did little to sway his doubt. His suspicion lay there, coiled and poised for striking its venomous blow. He tossed and turned on the bed while tossing and turning the excuses over in his mind. At the same time, his doubts hissed in his heart, a constant reminder of his past.

  At some point in the night he finally fell asleep, but he woke up feeling just as tired and even more suspicious.

  He sat up in bed, swiping a weary hand down his face. He turned as Holly felt her stir behind him. She sat up, and the hungry need for Hunter’s assurance was there in her sapphire eyes.

  He opened his mouth to give her reassurance, but questions sprang to his tongue. The fear of the answers she would give him kept everything locked tight behind his lips.

  While he got dressed, she sat on the bed, her hair spilling about her. She looked beautiful, but broken and hurting. He
wanted to hold her, he wanted to make her feel better, but he couldn’t. Hunter left for work without saying anything.

  Chapter Seven

  The warm breeze stirred Holly’s hair, sending it twining about her neck. She had come out onto the front porch to watch the sun set. When she was younger, she used to escape the pain of her father’s house and sit on a hill behind their home watching the sun set.

  Sugar-free syrup living, Holly scoffed. That is what she used to call her life as a teenager. Flavorless but it served its purpose. Besides her stepmother’s hissed reminders about her sinful side, the Buckners were kind enough to welcome her into their home – even if they weren’t all that welcoming. It wasn’t like they were cruel - but it wasn’t the home that she had grown up in. Before the sin that stained their lives, her mom and her father had been happy and loving. She had always felt wanted. Well, until the truth was revealed. The Buckners tried their best, but she was an awkward accessory in their life.

  A cruel laugh twisted from her lips. Like now, she thought. Ever since she had told Hunter the truth about her parents, he had grown more and more distant. He shrank from her touch, couldn’t stand to look at her, and barely said a word to her.

  Years spent in the Buckner’s house had taught her to hide her pain, deal with her suffering, and hope there could be something more.

  Hunter had been that something more and now she had lost him. This past week, he had done nothing but look at her like this sinful bag of trash her stepmother had always called her. He slipped those freak-show glances her way when he thought she wasn’t looking – the same ones her half-sisters had given her. And his drop of kindness was nothing more than a squirt of sugar-free syrup - meant to do the job, but lacking any real taste.

  Holly swiped angrily at her tears, wishing she could stop crying. After years of swallowing her pain, she had spent this path week crying more than she had since the day her parents died. And telling him the truth - that had just made it all the worse.

  She stood to go back inside when Seth pulled up in the driveway. Part of her was happy to see him - at least he didn’t look at her as unworthy. But part of her didn’t want him to walk up the steps, because he would ask, she would tell, and then she would cry some more.

  “Hey, Holly.” Seth smiled as he came jogging up the steps. “I came to return Hunter’s...” He stopped as he saw her face. “What’s wrong?” He put the toolset down on a chair, and came to stand before her.

  She opened her mouth, wanting the comfort she knew he could offer her, but needing the painful but safe restraint her silence would bring.

  Closing her mouth, she looked away. She wanted him to tell her she wasn’t stained, ugly and tainted by her past. She wanted him to tell her she was different than her mother. She wanted him to tell her that she wasn’t unwanted by everyone around her.

  No, she admitted to herself, I want Hunter to tell me that.

  Unwanted. Like a knife slicing through her heart, that word whispered through her mind. For once, she wanted to know that she was wanted. Looking up at Seth, another thought slithered in, but she grabbed her glass and headed back into the house, not wanting to entertain it.

  “I’m fine,” she said, calling over her shoulder as she walked through the doorway, Seth following in her wake.

  “I don’t believe that any more than you do.” Catching up with her in the kitchen, he gently grabbed her arm and spun her around. “You can tell me what’s wrong. I won’t judge you.”

  Holly choked back a sob - those were the worst words he could have said. From behind her on the counter, her cell phone chimed. Picking it up, she read the text message from Hunter.

  “Staying an extra day.”

  Her heart sunk, knowing he was using this business trip as a way to stay away from her. Desperate, she responded. “I will miss you. I love you so much.”

  She stared down at the phone, waiting to see his response, but it didn’t come.

  Tears fell as her mind hissed, his silence was his response.

  “Holly, what is going on?” Seth said, and she turned around. He was looking down at her with sympathetic eyes, filled with acceptance, and all she could wonder was why she wasn’t loved by her husband that way.

  “I told Hunter about my parents and now he hates me.” She rasped out between her sobs.

  Seth gathered her in his arms, patting her gently on the back. “He doesn’t hate you. You are probably just misreading it.”

  She shook her head against his chest. “I just told him I love him and he didn’t even respond.”

  “Maybe he is just busy. I bet you will get a reply any minute.” But her phone silently called him a liar.

  Leaning back, he looked down at her. “I have seen the way Hunter looks at you, and he would never...”

  “He looks at me like I am some piece of trash. He looks at me like my stepmother used to look at me, like I am one step away from falling into the fires of hell.” A sob tore through her throat as defeat settled within her. She stepped back from his arms. “He looks at me like I’m his mom.”

  The truth of her statement burned through her heart. She wanted to feel anything but this awful pain. She felt a sliver of anger work its way through her, so she grabbed a hold of it. “I’ve always been faithful to him.”

  A whisper of truth tried to surface, but she slammed it down as quick and hard as she slammed her hand down on the counter. “I may not be the best wife. I know I can be distant and guarded. But I was always faithful. I am not like my mom.”

  Seth merely nodded his head, aghast in the face of her anger. Holly hardly noticed him as she fumed. She picked up her phone, checking the screen, and seeing no reply. She tossed it back on the counter.

  “Holly, you are a beautiful woman and a wonderful wife. Hunter is just confused right now. I am sure he recognizes what a prize he has before him.”

  His eyes were as warm and inviting as the cup of coffee they resembled. No suspicions, no judgment – just warm kindness.

  Take a sip.

  A dangerous thread of anger and pain curled within her, carrying with it an idea. The idea was ridiculous, unimaginable, and in the right state of mind, she would have ran from it. However, in her emotionally charged state, the idea had merit. The idea had spunk, fire, and something she thought she needed. In the height of her pain and anger there could be no other choice but to make the bad one.

  If everyone sees me as stained and tainted - a sinner without hope - why fight it?

  And as she stumbled over this idea, she found herself falling. Like a slow-motion movie, she saw herself slowly tumbling down into her parent’s dark, stained past, and she embraced it as her own.

  Rising up on her tip toes she kissed Seth. As soon as she brushed her lips against his, Seth pulled back, and so did she. Holly touched her lips - as wicked as I am, I should feel something. Where was the passion, the longing, the bliss that led her mom foolishly down this path?

  She felt no desire, she just felt the pain of feeling unwanted - a stained creature, a sinful girl right down to her DNA. Holly felt the wickedness of their kiss, and there was nothing delightful about it. The kiss should have stirred up passion, but it just brought pain. Pain that felt right, a pain that she knew all her life.

  Her kisses with Hunter fluttered in her heart, but this kiss tore the insides of her soul. There was no joyful leap into adultery, it was a screaming free-for-all into a dark pit – a dark pit she had called home for far too long.

  Seth pulled away from the determined look in her eyes. “Holly, you don’t want to do this.”

  She could see in his eyes that he had felt more than she had, and while he had pulled away, he was still standing there. He was lonely and hurting - and so was she.

  Would there be some redemption for me if I at least help Seth find some relief from this gnawing pain? He deserves relief.

  Her justifications for her actions were twisted by her emotions, and they became even more entangled as she thought a
bout Hunter’s look of disdain when he left for his trip - his cold response to her touch.

  At least Seth wants me. I deserve that, right?

  “I don’t think I want to - but I need to.” She said as she stepped closer to him. Knowing her next kiss wouldn’t be met with as much deterrence, she wanted to stop. Instead, she moved forward. She tried to lie and tell herself she was punishing Hunter, but she knew she was punishing herself. With arms wound around her sin, she threaded her fingers through Seth’s hair and tried to blot out the pain while embracing it at the same time.

  Her mind flipped through her life, the scene of her parent’s death, her mom laying her head on her husband’s lap, accepting her fate. Isn’t that what she was doing now? Holly accepted who she was - stained and tainted, unworthy and unwanted.

  She felt Seth’s resistance, then she felt him respond. She felt his hands where Hunter’s should have been. Hunter. His name brought pain and she welcomed it just as she welcomed the touch of this man.

  Seth wrested his lips from hers and took some time to steady his breath. He untangled her arms from his neck. “Holly, we can’t. I can’t. You are just hurting right now and...”

  She silenced his protests with another kiss – and then there was nothing but submission.

  Holly thought adultery was something akin to the torrid, steamy unions you see on a TV dramas. There was no love, no passion, and no gasps of pleasure - only the painful scream of her sin and the sin she was tempting Seth to commit with her. Like Eve to Adam, she led Seth down the fallen path and down on the kitchen floor. She peeled away his protests as she peeled away his clothes.

  When it was over, he stared down at her, guilt, shame, and hurt filled the cups of his coffee-colored eyes. He stood and left without a word. He all but ran out of her house, as if her sin was chasing him, nipping at his heels, and seeking to consume him.

  A part of her was grateful, but that part was wrapped around years of pain, and Seth’s desertion was more proof that she was unwanted.

  The words of the social worker came back to haunt her. Stained and tainted – that’s how these kids look to others.